Published 29 December 2014 ● Last Updated on 25 November 2016
Yet another new year, yet another wave of self-improvement. It is impossible to scroll down one’s Facebook homepage this week without reading through promises of change and urges to transform into Mother Teresa or alternatively, Kim Kardashian’s body. Noble thoughts surely… but while half of us are scribbling down a list of resolutions to live 2015 by, the other half are secretly sniggering at the loftiness of ambition!
Here are the most commonly made (and broken!) new year resolutions that you simply must never make again.
1. I’m going to fit into my college jeans
There are only types of people who achieve this goal: those who get Salmonella poisoning; and those who were fatter chubbier in college. For the rest of us, the only option is to cheat and lose a limb, or two.
Getting fit is a worthy goal, of course. But adding a halo over those moldy bell-bottoms is not the answer. Better to resolve to go to the gym or a yoga class or whatever excites you. And until an exercise routine excites you as much as the prospect of another Ironman movie (Absolutely! they will recycle that franchise forever!), just resolve to try new activities till you find something you like enough to stick to. But take my word for it, unless you’re swimming with the sharks, those college jeans still won’t fit you!
2. I’ll stop eating carbs / sugar
Everyone who’s ever tried it has failed at it. Some admit their failure, others pretend they found a better diet plan.
If you really want to change your diet, drastic measures aren’t the answer, nor sustainable for a whole year. Instead, aim to reduce a helping of rice, or double your salad portions every meal, or halve your usual portions of dessert. That would be far easier, and healthier, than ogling at your partner’s sizzling brownie and getting grumpy when he refuses to force you to take a bite!
3. I’m going to quit smoking
And here I quote Beyonce: If you wanted to, then you would have put a stop to it oredi ah. But setting up a future date? Hmm, our best wishes and raised eyebrows are with you in your endeavor.
4. I’m going to read a gazillion books
If you need a resolution to get yourself to read books, you’re going to need much more than resolution to read books.
How about taking baby steps towards readership – perhaps, begin by being a regular on our blog 😉 ?
5. I’ll not check Facebook again
I only suggest you rephrase this to: When I fail this resolution, I will not proclaim my failure on Facebook. And if by chance I succeed, I will definitely not proclaim my success on Facebook.
Happy 2015!
0 Comments