Published 30 December 2016 ● Last Updated on 30 September 2020
déjà vu
/deɪʒɑː ˈvuː, French deʒa vy/
That strange feeling in the gut (right before New Year!) that you’ve already made (and broken) the resolution you’re about to make. Not to be confused with the acidity from eating too many Christmas goodies, or tequila, or both.
Yes, ’tis that time of the year indeed, when you get that uncomfortable gnaw in the pit of the stomach which good intentions and foreboding and holiday food mix together to create. It will peak in a couple of days when your Facebook feed overflows with grand promises: of beerless Januaries, meatless meals, reality-less TV, pokemon-less walks and other delusions. Chances are, you too will get seduced into making unreasonable demands of yourself and 2017… but don’t worry, I am here to help you NOT make the promises that fate will snigger after.
Here are the most commonly made (and broken!) new year resolutions that you simply must never make again. I am completely recycling them from our 2015 post, but it’s holiday season, and I don’t want to break my resolution to maintain work-life balance. Besides the facts on the matter haven’t changes one whit over the years!
1. I’m going to fit into my college jeans
There are only types of people who achieve this goal: those who get Salmonella poisoning; and those who were fatter chubbier in college. For the rest of us, the only option is to cheat and lose a limb, or two.
Getting fit is a worthy goal, of course. But adding a halo over those moldy bell-bottoms is not the answer. Better to resolve to go to the gym or a yoga class or whatever excites you. And until an exercise routine excites you as much as the prospect of another Star Wars movie (Absolutely! they will recycle that franchise forever!), just resolve to try new activities till you find something you like enough to stick to. But take my word for it, unless you’re swimming with the sharks, those college jeans still won’t fit you!
2. I’ll stop eating carbs / sugar
Everyone who’s ever tried it has failed at it. Some admit their failure, others pretend they found a better diet plan.
If you really want to change your diet, drastic measures aren’t the answer, nor sustainable for a whole year. Instead, aim to reduce a helping of rice, or double your salad portions every meal, or halve your usual portions of dessert. That would be far easier, and healthier, than ogling at your partner’s sizzling brownie and getting grumpy when he refuses to force you to take a bite!
3. I’m going to quit smoking
And here I quote Beyonce: If you wanted, then you should have put a stop to it oredi ah. But setting up a future date? Hmm, our best wishes and raised eyebrows are with you in your endeavor.
4. I’m going to read a gazillion books
If you need a resolution to get yourself to read books, you’re going to need much more than resolution to read books.
How about taking baby steps towards readership – perhaps, begin by being a regular on our blog 😉 ?
5. I’ll not check Facebook again
I only suggest you rephrase this to: When I fail this resolution, I will not proclaim my failure on Facebook. And if by chance I succeed, I will definitely not proclaim my success on Facebook.
Happy 2017!
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